#HATRED, #NEGATIVITY, #BULLYING are 3 places where it is easy for our minds to go. where does it get you? #NOWHERE. Each life is a journey, where will YOURS take you?
#BULLYING. In the past, I have had My share. In 8th grade, I was repeatedly bullied by 3 boys. No one including the staff at the school, Wooster Intermediate, would help. One day, I had had enough and retaliated. In art class, they were all there. I reached My boiling point and had no words to fight back only actions. I went up to one of the boys and grabbed the back of His neck. I grabbed it so hard that My nails drew blood. For one mila-second I felt powerful. Quickly he screamed out declaring that He needed to go the nurse for a tetanus shot. The teacher gave Him permission to go see Her. Seemed like only seconds after that I heard these words come over the loudspeaker, "Catherine Kalina. Come to the Principal's office NOW!" In unison, the class made a collective gasp. I walked down to Mr. Hanes' office not knowing what to expect. This is the breakdown of events that then occurred. I was told that I had been #suspended from school. My parents were both at work so they were not there. I was forced to walk home after confirming that I was not #suicidal. As I left the building, kids were peering out of the classrooms' windows hooting and hollering in support of My dismissal. This occurred in 1988 at Wooster Intermediate School in Stratford, CT. There were multiple wrongs here. Was I wrong to retaliate with #violence? Yes, yes I was. Was it wrong that I was the ONLY one to receive punishment? Yes, yes it was. Did it give the 3 students who participated in the #bullying a chance to reflect on what THEY had done? No. It singled out the one person who felt She had no other recourse but to inflict physical pain on the ones who tormented Her mentally AND physically on a DAILY BASIS. It brought My self-esteem to a whole new level of LOW. When I was ALLOWED to come back, I had to come with both of My parents. Again, students peered out of their classroom windows with more hurtful words. Should I have been punished for My role? Yes. However, should those 3 students have been punished as well, even far more earlier? YES. These acts of violence in our schools today CAN BE PREVENTED. It's NOT JUST about gun control, it is about a control on the bullying. If these school leaders would just take the time to step the fuck up and nip these acts in the bud, I can tell you with absolute certainty the violence from the "outcasted", harassed, bullied, and tormented children would cease. We need to make every person accountable for their actions. You can agree with Me, you can disagree with Me. Hell, you can even call Me names if you desire to. It is THIS negativity that we are teaching our children to be acceptable in our society. I can HONESTLY tell you, if the right course of action was taken before My suspension, it would not have even gone to that place. I have kept those feelings with Me all these years later because it hurt Me so very much. I felt so let down by the adults in charge. I am 42 years old now. The "teasing" the physical assaults by those 3 individuals still stay with Me. I will share with you one act of physical bullying that I endured from one of those students. In English class, the room was a homeroom to other students earlier in the day and some brought their own lunch. The desk I was assigned to had a brown bag every day. It contained goldfish crackers. One of the threesome would come up to Me before the teacher had entered and proceed to shove the crackers into My mouth for fun. Physical shit like this occurred on a daily basis. Please, keep in mind that I am telling you the truth. There is no exaggeration in this retelling. It did not matter what they did, no one did anything. To this day, it pains Me to go down the grocery store aisle where their Pepperidge Farm products are sold. Years ago, when I was first exposed to the internet, I located those 3 boys. I sent emails and messages of how their actions still affected Me after all of these years. With each email and message I received this response, " I do not remember doing these things to you, but if I did I am sorry." I try within myself every single day to put the past behind Me and forgive and forget. But when our schools are in a constant state of fear, I speak up. Bullying stays with the bullied for as long as their hearts can stand. I became suicidal during my suspension. I felt defeated. I felt that no one was looking out for my best interest. Those 3 boys acted without kindness or compassion and basically got rewarded for it. They graduated the 8th grade and went on to experience life without a single thought about the trauma they incurred on me. I am not at all saying that physical retaliation from bullying is acceptable. I do however feel for the students that believe there is no other recourse. A lot of things need to change to protect our children. First, education, education & education. We need to learn from these incidents. Everyone should be accountable. Think of it as a food chain if you will. The very moment that a student feels bullied or harassed or unsafe in their own skin, a chain of events needs to happen. The principal or other school leader needs to take action. The students who are infringing on the rights of their classmates to feel safe and have an education need to be punished and not just via a lecture or banishment from afterschool activities. Suspend them & then expel the ones who continue to show disrespect and who are furthering the trauma of others. Next, we need to make sure that our children feel safe at their school. I believe in metal detectors and armed guards. I wish that it wasn't necessary but it is. We need to put these practices in play BEFORE another lost soul feels the need to pick up a weapon and physically show the world how they feel inside. Most child offenders to this degree want their story to be told. I feel for these kids. However, we cannot continue to placate to their demands. By broadcasting "their story", we almost give our consent to let it happen again somewhere else. The abused take from it that violence is the only way to deal with their problems because of news reports & articles about their experiences in school & it validates their behavior. It shouldn't even get to that point. You can "google" this following statement if you so desire. Profilers of "unsubs" are hesitant to put a name to the offender for example "the ... killer". Why? Because it validates their behavior and broadcasts their story. You can agree with Me or You can disagree with Me, it is YOUR prerogative. These thoughts are coming from a very real place in My life & from My heart. Our children are hurting everyday. We need to take preemptive actions. And before there is any criticizing directed at Myself, I will share with all of you this. I have been in therapy since the 7th grade, I have been on various medications that have both helped and hurt Me in various ways. I have been labeled in Rx ways such as "bipolar", "depressive" and also in very hurtful words from former classmates such as "loser", "ugly", "Katalina Krueger- after the blood drawing incident" and a great deal of this DID NOT have to happen. Let's open up not only our minds but our hearts here. If you are reading this and have been bullied, share it. Share the experience. Share just how you felt. And most importantly, share the outcome. It is all fun & games until the next reported school assault & massacre. I am Catherine H. Kalina and this is My story. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read this. Let our stories be the change, not the problem.
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